After a somewhat convoluted career path in various business-related and mental health endeavors, Doreen (Dody) Cox has settled into a later-in-life passion: writing. On a part-time basis, she teaches an offsite GED class of multicultural adults in one of her favorite places to be: a library. Dody lives in central Florida.
Time to chat with Dody!
I hear you have some very exciting news! Can you share it with us?
It is finally sinking in that I completed a book of fiction, a short story titled, A Sacred Journey. I’ve always been an avid reader and must admit that I’d often daydreamed about writing a book myself, but a variety of challenging career endeavors kept me occupied until now. A Sacred Journey embodies four major themes that are central to my outlook on life: first, be willing to see everything and everyone around me with fresh eyes. Second, stay open-minded as to the element of mystery that exists in our world. Third, affirm the sacredness inherent in the time of dying – beyond specific religious views. These three themes are enfolded in threads of humor, the fourth theme.
How much research was involved in writing your book? How did you go about it?
Transformational in theme, A Sacred Journey is a fantasy with a touch of paranormal; it began its life as a 5700 word short story titled, Wrapped in a Long-Ago Dream. In late March, Words Unlimited featured a short story contest: a pre-made book cover was revealed and entrants had 72 hours to write a short story, any genre. As soon as Laura Wright LaRoche’s book cover was revealed, the stunning image of a figure in a red cloak standing in a forest immediately triggered a tumble of memories. My mother had favored an old red robe, and she had loved our natural world. Through conversations we’d had, I knew that death was something she had not feared. For much of my adult life, she had pestered me to write a book – any book. At the time of the contest, these memories and thoughts coalesced and a story emerged. One aspect is true – a dream my mom once had about my dad, deceased shortly after I was born.
My mother’s bout with dementia acted as fertilizer for the plot. During the end phase of her dementia, she’d often woken during the night, caught up in delusions. As her caregiver, my task had been to keep her safe. Night-time was tough; it was hard for me to handle her physically and both of us, emotionally. To my mother, the delusions were real. It was difficult to do, but I learned to let her delusions be – to acknowledge her garbled words and frantic movements, to play along until she was comforted by my validation of what was true for her. At that point, the delusion would fade and she would fall back into sleep.
Since her death, I’ve often wondered about what was going on in my mother’s mind during those delusions: who was there…where was she going. All I had gotten were pieces. I could pick out only a few of her words, guessing meanings by her gestures: the baby, people in the closet, her brother outside. So writing the story was cathartic and, mid-way through the 72-hour period, I had an illuminating thought: if I had been able to understand my mom or been less tired, I’d have been entertained by a great story. Wrapped is the story that I finally wrote for my mother. Much to my delight, my story was one of the runner-ups.
After the contest, an author whose writing style I admire, and whose stories are favorites of mine, did a read-through of Wrapped. Offering feedback and encouragement to enhance the story, Julia Hughes’ comments stayed with me for several months. Although working on another story, Wrapped kept intruding until I laid aside the current work in progress. The 5700-word story turned into one with over 14,000 words. During the course of the re-write, Wrapped came alive for me in an even more personal way; it became a story I was writing for me.
We all know the old saying; you can’t judge a book by its cover. This is true. However, how much importance do you place on your book cover design?
Similar to a dog’s reactions in Pavlov’s experiments, my eagerness to open a book is enhanced at the sight of its cover. Laura Wright LaRoche at LLPix.com designed my fabulous cover.
Do you dread writing a synopsis for your novel as much as most writers do?
Truthfully, yes, because it’s another task to complete. Yet the challenge of capturing the essence of my story in a few paragraphs is motivation enough. As an avid reader, the synopsis of a story is often what prompts me to purchase a novel; once my curiosity is whetted, I’m in. Writing a synopsis for A Sacred Journey actually gave me a bit more perspective on my own story.
What else have you written?
My first published book, Adventures in Mother-Sitting, is a memoir of the three years I spent as full-time caregiver to my mother. I was working as a group counselor at an alternative school for at-risk students when my mom’s physical and mental condition deteriorated. Although my decision to let go my job, income, health insurance and identity was difficult to make, I did not hesitate to make the choice – the bond with my mother had always been strong. The dance that she and I had with her dementia challenged me in ways I had never imagined. The word, “adventures,” in the title depicts the experiences I had. With dementia present, the daily care habits and reactions of my mother were so unpredictable. Even more challenging to handle were the unpredictable eruptions of my own emotions – unwanted meltdowns, embarrassing at the time. The last year of my mother’s life – when she was ‘my child’ and approaching death – was incredibly tough yet so amazingly rich for me, emotionally and spiritually. Being my mother’s care bear was like a final gift she gave to me. My gratitude became expressed when I fulfilled her long-held wish for me: write a book. I often sensed her presence, guiding me as I wrote.
Were you ‘born to write’ or did you discover your passion for writing later in life?
Writing sections of and editing technical manuals and business proposals – years ago – is the closest I’d come to writing a book until now. During mother-sitting, scribbling in a journal was merely a way to keep me sane, an outlet that steadied me. After my mother died, I found a cache of letters that I had written to her while in college and, later, from wherever I happened to be. As I reread the letters, old memories came vividly to life and an urge to try my hand at writing a book took hold. This was several months after my mother had died. I was struggling to make it through my days and needed a new focus to temper the onslaught of grief over not only the loss of my mother, but also the loss of my role as caregiver. So I sat down at the table one day, tore out the pages from my journal, and began.
Some authors, like me, always write scenes in order. But I know some people write scenes out of order. How about you?
My writing approach is one that I term as a “jigsaw puzzle process.” When mother-sitting, my mom read to me from children’s books, The Bobbsey Twins for one. Because of dementia, her speech was quite garbled and she’d often read the same sentence over and over. Her affect, though, was priceless – animated and infectious. Surprisingly, it was doing 1,000-word jigsaw puzzles while she read that gave me contentment.
In a strange way, my puzzle activity set the stage for my writing. For both the memoir and the novelette, writing was akin to doing a jigsaw puzzle: fit this segment here and that one there – add, delete, and adjust until finally, the segments had a smooth flow. This is my favorite part of writing: juggling the segments into chapters and the chapters into a satisfying whole. When I step out of the way, stop trying to force a piece to fit, my inner muse takes over; this energetic sense of flow is infectious. I no longer do jigsaw puzzles; instead, I write.
What part of writing a novel do you enjoy the most? The least?
To be sure, there were differences between how I wrote my memoir and the fictional story. In my experience, however, there were commonalities to both; the first, of course, was to sit down and write. Getting started is still my least favorite part of writing. Once involved, however, the process of writing the memoir and the story turned into a fascinating adventure.
Is it important for you to know the ending of a book before you write it? The title?
My writing approach is one that I term as a “jigsaw puzzle process.” When mother-sitting, my mom read to me from children’s books, The Bobbsey Twins for one. Because of dementia, her speech was quite garbled and she’d often read the same sentence over and over. Her affect, though, was priceless – animated and infectious. Surprisingly, it was doing 1,000-word jigsaw puzzles while she read that gave me contentment.
In a strange way, the puzzle process set the stage for my writing. For both my memoir and the novelette, writing was akin to doing a jigsaw puzzle: fit this segment here and that one there – add, delete and adjust until finally, the segments had a smooth flow. This is my favorite part of writing: juggling the segments into chapters and the chapters into a satisfying whole. When I step out of the way, stop trying to force a piece to fit, my inner muse takes over; this energetic sense of flow is infectious. I no longer do jigsaw puzzles; instead, I write.
Do you allow others to read your work in progress?
I didn’t think that I would ever allow anyone to read my work as it was being written. Writing the memoir was very cathartic, so I kept it to myself until it was complete. When I decided to enhance my short story, though, I discovered that there was merit in having a trusted friend, another author, read chapters that were near completion. In that case, I followed the urging of my gut. Trust of another’s opinion is the key if my gut urges me to ask for it. Basically, I plan to remain open-minded.
What do you like best about the books you read?
I have always admired authors of various genres who have the ability to weave words in a way that pulls me into a novel. The stories I enjoy have a tone, a quality beneath the storyline that sets up a hum in me. When it’s engaged by a story, the editor in my head disappears (and I do love to edit). My hope is that readers resonate in some way with my story.
What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?
On a whim, in my late thirties, I quit my job as a hospital recruiter in order to head out West and hike the national parks of Utah, Arizona, and New Mexico. In an old Fiat convertible, I set off in July on a sabbatical to find myself…I was at some crossroad. The best gift was 100% acceptance by family, friends, and coworkers. This was before the availability of cell phones, and I would be on my own. No one tried to talk me out of taking the trek. It is also the best gift I’ve ever given myself. I was gone for three months.
What is the coolest surprise you’ve ever had?
In my mid-forties, a close friend gave me the coolest surprise ever: a free ticket to skydive for my birthday. The day of my birthday was sunny, in the mid-70s and gusty. It took most of the day before the winds died down enough for my group to go up and make the dive. As luck would have it, a group of professionals were gathered for a day of fun. They put on quite a show, ramping up my excitement. We finally got the go-ahead, so around 3:30 in the afternoon, I jumped out of the plane and screamed in absolute delight! The freefall phase was my favorite – it felt as if I were flying, not falling. The sensation was so glorious that I almost forgot to pull the cord that would pop the chute. Luckily, this was a tandem jump. The guy on my back tapped my shoulder, I pulled the cord, and we floated safely back to earth.
If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?
One of my favorite words is “perspective,” and I’ve been told that my middle name is “curiosity.” If I could be invisible for a day, an expectation is that my judgments and sensibilities would be tamped down. There is no doubt in my mind that I would head to various hot spots in our world, for example: neighborhoods where gangs clash, sections in the Middle East and Africa where rebellions against tyrannical rule are occurring, and refugee camps where displaced persons struggle to survive. Although there is no clear way to walk in another person’s shoes, see circumstances through their eyes, being invisible – walking beside them without judgment – would be the next best thing.
CONNECT WITH DODY
Amazon: Adventures in Mother-Sitting
